Saturday, February 16, 2013

Bridal Understanding, Part 2: How Everything Changed

Moon and stars at night*
Recently, here on Net’s Bridal Notes, I explained how God began to reveal His passionate heart to me a in whole new way, how my bridal journey with Him began many years ago. (See that post here.) Today, I want to share more of my story, since it may help you as you move forward into deeper intimacy with God.

As I shared, God led me to a book that delved deeply into the idea of having a sacred romance with God—a guilt-free, passionate, powerful, life-changing love affair with God. Yeah. Those phrases seem too fleshly, too strange when talking about God, right? But He began to show me the purity of romance with Him. How?


During those years of awakening, my dear husband was working long hours. I had plenty of late nights alone in our room. Thankfully, at some point, God inspired me to use that time to pray aloud. Our children were in their bedrooms on the other side of the house, so I knew I could speak aloud and they wouldn’t hear me. So, I did.

There’s something about praying aloud in a dark room, at the end of the day. Knowing no one is listening and you’re unlikely to be interrupted, you can get very real. You can truly open up and share your heart with God.

I remember my journey into deeper intimacy involved one of those recommitment moments where I committed again to loving God first and choosing obedience. And I was determined to remain a student of the Word of God.

So, with that fresh determination and commitment level, which may have been more for my sake than God’s (who knows?), I felt emboldened to approach Him. And I did.

A Moment of Deep Revelation

One night, during a poignant time of out loud prayer, I remember Jesus revealing to me something I hadn’t truly understood. It was something I had considered, but He made the truth come alive. Suddenly, I felt it.

First, a moment’s backstory: Bruce Marchiano is the actor who played Jesus in the Visual Bible Matthew series. Following that portrayal, he wrote a book about the experience. There were times he described Jesus giving him a taste of what Jesus Himself felt during a certain biblical account. Now, I believe this literally happened because I know God is personal like that and He could use Bruce’s portrayal to minister to or enlighten people with the truth.

So, back to that moment of my prayer time. The lesson of the moment was how very much Jesus wants to be with us. How He longs for time with us. And as I felt conviction about shutting Him out of my day at times, I experienced a heart-rending pain, an ache, an intense insight about Jesus’s heart for me, His inexpressible longing for me.

You know Jesus wants to spend time with you.

Did you know how very, very much He wants time with you?

More than words can describe.

And that moment, as tears ran into my pillow, and I repented of keeping my distance, I had no idea how much my life would change.

His gift of sharing that insight with me motivated me to pray. Motivated me to spend time with Him, to not shut Him out. That revelation changed my life, my prayer life, my heart. I began to see Jesus as passionate and tender in a way I hadn’t before. “Prayer” became communion, no longer a labor, but an enjoyable time, just between Him and me. A time of lover’s communion. I would find ways to meet with Him. My secret life of prayer awakened and I had tender, deeply personal, passionate conversations with Him throughout the day in the secret place of my heart. During that season, I was raising two very small children while my husband worked 60-80 weeks. So, it’s not like I had a lot of time. I was also in Bible college and running a home business. It was crazy. But, somehow, that’s when God chose to awaken my heart, and I spent any time I could resting between His shoulders (see Deut. 33:12). What a journey!

What followed were more revelations as God began to share His heart with me. But that’s a topic for next time.

Let’s pray:

Dear Beloved, there is none like You! You invite us to know You, to delight in You, to enjoy You and we can do so without any guilt whatsoever. We can approach you boldly. We can enjoy You without limitation. Except… sometimes I do feel held back. Maybe it’s my doubts or my fears, or maybe I never understood Your heart like I could. Help me? Show me? I ask for a deeper revelation of Your love this week. Show up and show me Your heart, I pray. Amen.

*Photo credit: Photo by Phiseksit.

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